BP Thorns

BP Thorns ~ 3.16.18 ~

So, I read someone else’s FB post, and it got my mind spinning.

I think it was about our trials in life actually being a gift from God, and if I understood the writer, some events are basically engineered by God to lead us back to Him. To rely on Him.

I just wanted to hear some replies about that if you’re a Believer. Most pointedly, I’d like to ask if you believe Bipolar, or any other mental illness, or even physical chronic pain, is something in your life because God wants to draw you closer to Him. To lean in, as the writer of the post often says. And does He engineer it, or just allow it?

Me? I think there is sin, hate and illness in this world because we are allowed free will and man is corrupt. I don’t think he said, “Tag, Jen! You’re it with the Bipolar!” But because there is suffering, I think He expects me to use that to feel His love. Considering Paul, ship-wrecked, beaten, stoned, and carrying a thorn in his side. I guess if Paul can make his way through that and write several books for the Bible (the most in the New Testament) then I can endure what is going on in my life. Even more importantly, if Jesus sweat blood in The Garden of Gethsemane, so dreading and fearful of his betrayal, flogging and crucifixion, then I can handle the occasional hallucination, no?

I’m wondering if anyone has suffered doubt or anger towards God because you agree with me, that this might be the thorn in our sides, that we need to lean in more to God, and that you ultimately think that it’s bull to be put through this kind of thing from He who is supposed to be a loving, caring, generous God. I admit I have battled with those feelings when I’ve been down deep and dark in those depressive prisons, when and where I feel Satan and his demons take advantage.

I hurt every day. Physically, but moreso mentally and emotionally. Every day. But every day, I know there is Jesus with me, and that one day all of this will fall away. Thank God. I can’t even imagine and am certainly not worthy. But one day.

Dear Bipolar, Jesus Isn’t Afraid of You…

 

 

Dear BP,

You keep me up all night, sometimes days. This is one of your most effective ways of hurting me, causing despair and feelings of loneliness. Instead of sitting here, discouraged with a headache, I beat you. I studied Psalm 139.

 

 

So, better and more accurately worded, God helped me whoop your insomnia curse. One hour at a time, if I must. God is with me.

 

 

 

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things🎵🎵🎵

I’m down tonight. I am not 100% certain why. May just be those misfirings in my brain, but I think it is likely due to all the physical pain I’m enduring right now. My feet and the tendonitis and bone spurs. My lower lumbar fused back. Joints suffering with arthritis, and a fibromyalgia flare-up.

So, it’s time to turn to things I know will help me emotionally hold on, rather than give in to this sadness.

A much-loved Bible devotional.

A lovely and inspiring Bible.

Philippians 4:6 This scripture verse helped me make it through my first mental health hospital stay. I love that the best verses in this Bible have a colored pictures and drawings. My husband also bought me a book to color various verses in Psalms, when he gifted me the Bible.

Adore good smelling stuff. Makes me feel pretty, and things start improving. Plus, I think it keeps Bipolar’s stench at bay. 😉

Again with the smell good stuffs. Drop a few drops in a diffuser, shower, laundry… Orange is my first choice. There are tons of pleasant scents. Smell as diffuser fills the air, relax, ground myself, and pray.

Cat toys because the cat and I are about to play fetch. Yep, those are ponytail holders. I throw those, as well as some mouse toys, he jumps, catches them, and brings them back to me. Like I said, fetch.

Richard Parker (yep, tiger in Life of Pi) and I snuggling. He was comforting me in this photo. He hugs.

These are a few things I do, in addition to walking the dogs for a bit, doing chair exercises and stretches, and praying. And I feel better. Sometimes a lot better. Sometimes just a bit. But I gotta keep chipping away it.