Storm Trooper Blues

The epitome of deep, dark depression. The pain is real, folks. 🖤🤣🖤🤣

Take the Win!!

An actual productive day. (Not even manic. 😲😲😲) Straightened things, went through bills, cleaning, put out a few decorations, watered the lawn and planted morning glory seeds. Also gave a quick shower to the rosemary and sage. Freshly watered grass and birdseed makes for lots of pretty birds in the yard. Had a nice dinner out, just off the river. My mom loved that. I had some good catfish. Just a productive, pleasant day. Delightful time with my son, too.

Later, I did learn about some things in my past (some blocked, others forgotten) and they shook me to the core. I’ll go into this later if I feel it’s appropriate, as it’s not just about me. I will say, it is absolutely true you never know what another person goes through. Never. Additionally, I still say that people do the best they can with what they have available and know at the time. I believe most people fall into that category. I hope so.

I pray so.

I believe I will ask for a session with my therapist just to sort some of it.

All in all, good day, and I’ll take the win!

I’m a Mutant, X-Men Style

Maybe I’ve gotten into X-Men comics and especially the movies too much lately.

But I’m fairly certain I’m a Mutant. Pretty cool considering, Jean is gorgeous. Storm is kick-butt! And Mystique, her name says it all.

 

Anyway, it’s quite clear to me that I am a mutant. A really, really screwed up one. I mean, my brain constantly misfiring and perceiving – fibromyalgia, Bipolar, blah, blah, and other acronyms. But heck! I can’t even fire lava-like flames out of my eyeballs and scorch people like doctors who cannot help, and people who say stupid things about what they *think* is going on with me.

I mean, at least Scott/Cyclops has groovy shades. Lol!

 

 

 

Something nice.

Circles at 3am

Something I’ve been thinking long and hard about took shape tonight into something both profound yet simple. I could finally see it somewhere other than in the jumbled up mess that is my head. It’s a circle, dude. A Circle.

Yes, you heard me correctly. A good old geometric circle, like “comes around full circle” 360° sort of a circle.

Simple and easy are not always walking along hand in hand, though, are they?

What we do to people, and what they do to us. Simple, right? Simply heartbreaking.

So, I’m gonna aim for my circle description in steps.

Step 1. Someone harms you, like deep in your soul agony. Like parts you didn’t know you had were set ablaze, and then you begin wishing you didn’t still know you had those parts. ♨

Step 2. You hate the person, or snub them, or gossip about them, or take revenge, or cry a ton because they hurt you… I mean, they burned you, right? Now, it builds, festers, and allowing oxygen to reach those embers… till BAM! Fire!!! 🔥🔥🔥

(ADVICE: Step two is not a fun step. Totally not cool. I highly recommend opting out of step two before you get burned!)

Step 3. You realize you’ve hurt people. 😧Damn, really?

“But I didn’t mean to… they took it wrong… I was having a rough day and just sounded rude…well they did this and that to me…” Gosh, listen to myself spew excuses. 😝😳

Step 4. Think for a sec. 🤔 Are you always a crummy ass sort of person? Or do you just do crummy things sometimes? Most of the time, it is the latter, and most of the time without planning or malevolence. Do you set out to deeply hurt and wound someone? Of course not. So, now you see where I’m going, don’t you? Most of the jerks in step two that hurt you DID NOT INTEND TO DO SO. And for others, *you are* the crummy turd in step two!

Step 5. Blast it! 😡😠 Now, I can’t hate them. Now, I have to acknowledge that I see a bit of them in myself, and worse, myself in them. We all make mistakes, and then strive to – learn to hush and listen (not just hear), take ownership, practice asking forgiveness and extending forgiveness (even if not requested, acknowledged, or accepted), strive for patience and live, pray to see and feel their hearts…

This blogger here thinks the biggest (and hardest) step is to learn to love the offenders, faults and all, and extend that same forgiving love to ourselves.

Step 6. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Love this person with whom there is pain. Learn to forgive them.

Round and round, cyclical.

Loving & Making Circles.

Photo Telling the Truth

So, follow up to previous entry, “Can’t Move.”

I didn’t include a photo because who wants to post a crap photo.

However, it’s important because face and body always tell the truth. And it’s nice to know we are not alone.

So here.

Can’t Move

I’m sick. Maybe really quite ill. Waiting on more procedures and test results.

All I want to do is sleep, but haven’t been able to do so. Still, I’m awake yet paralyzed.

This is not a fun or interesting entry. This is just the truth about how my Bipolar and being highly emotional affects me. I set out to tell all truths and experiences with this blog.

So.

I can’t move.

That Just About Sums It Up

Eggshells Be Gone!!!

My previous blog entry talked about how people with Bipolar, as well as others with mental health issues, are still misunderstood and are still receiving tips and advice that don’t help.

In discussing this with a fellow MI (mental illness) sufferer, I mentioned that I believe many people mean no harm. In fact, I believe they want quite the opposite, to help, but don’t know what to do or say. I wonder, especially the closer they are to us, do they feel like they’re walking on eggshells around us? Broken glass? If so, that deeply saddens me.

So, if it’s okay, I would like to ask folks on both sides a few questions:

1. Are you curious about Bipolar or other MI’s?

2. Would you like to ask questions about the illnesses, or perhaps inquire about a friend, but instead are too hesitant?

3. Would you like to know how to offer kindness and encouragement, while being sure your needs are also met? You are a unique person with needs and vulnerabilities as well.

4. Do you avoid someone you know with a Mental Illness because it’s just easier? And why is it too hard sometimes?

This is not a challenge, nor a confrontation. I think exchanging ideas and sharing feelings can help us all.

I just want people who care for and love people in their lives, with one or both of them having Bipolar (or any mental illness), to feel empowered to give and share motivation, care, love, friendship, and so much more.

I think we have chances to love each day, and a responsibility to act on it.

 

Feelings via Pics